The day started out cloudy and a bit chilly- and early: we were leaving at 630am. Martin and Hondo packed lunches for us (and dinner we found out) which were like a veggie patties with lettuce and tomato, an apple or pear and a juice box…and of course everyone has a variety of snacks they’ve picked up along the way. The food and drink selection was going to be much better on this side than in Mozambique, so we would also stock up along the way.

Driving out of Phabeni looked a little like Arizonda or Idaho, hilly with some round rocky hills, valleys and lots of little villages and towns. It was early enough we got to see all the kids in each town heading for school in their uniforms, which is also fun to see- and the matatus filling up for people headed to work. There is of course the typical pickup truck full of people riding in back- but we even saw a more typical bus system too.

We were headed to the border, which took a few hours and I was particularly annoyed as my Surface died not long into the trip and it was going to be an all day adventure- which would have caught me up to the very present, but the outlets on the truck don’t seem to work- though the USB ones do….but I couldn’t find any of the tablets that are just USB, and I thought I’d get enough charge out of the Surface from place to place…but when I thought it was charging on the truck, it wasn’t- so I was a bit miffed.

We made a stop at a little mini mart where there was a turnstile to get to the bathrooms and pay 2 rand- which hasn’t been the case until now, but is very common in east Africa on our other trips. The charge is kind of for the people to keep the bathrooms clean but also to give to to the ladies- and I’m sure in some places someone just sets up and makes some change that day- which probably makes for a lucrative option for just hanging out.

I went through the turnstile, but on the way out I just about conked my face because it is not freely spinning from the inside as you’d expect. The attendants pointed to a green button to the left which wasn’t super obvious and I knew everyone else would struggle so I appointed myself “button attendant”, which I carried out dutifully until I was able to hand the responsibility over to Richelle.

Upon arriving back at the truck, some women were huddling around Mat and I realized he was going to exchange money with them. Sometimes it’s easier and always cheaper to do it this way with “unofficial” changers- and it’s definitely an experience. So one lady got into the cab and worked with Hondo and Martin and Mat took one into the truck so he could do the exchange for everyone. Jon was looking at me like what is going on, so I explained.

While we were waiting however, we discovered there were bathrooms directly next to the truck that you didn’t have to pay for- and it became known that Lindsey was locked in one of them. Jillian had come out and then Lindsay went in…and then the latch didn’t work for her. She kept turning the key but nothing would happen. Thankfully she could text Amber- who checked her messages but thought for a second it was an old one- but then she realized it came in right then and that she was indeed locked in the bathroom!

None of the bathrooms are stalls like we have- the typical metal ones that are like a ¾ door. Instead they are like a closet or bedroom door- with a full door. So there’s no climbing out. This had briefly happened to Anne at God’s Window also, but didn’t require intervention- however this became a more than 20 minute ordeal. Security people from the mall came over, Hondo and Martin were there and they were trying to use all different tools to jimmy the lock but no such luck.

It honestly may have been more than 20 minutes, but they decided to go for the screws that held the plate handle on. Again this isn’t really like our doors, but it’s fortunate the door was set up like that because once they got the plate off they could force the lock open with a screwdriver.

Lindsey came bursting out crying and just stood against a wall bent over for a good 5 minutes. Amber was there patting her back and Mat wanted to check on her. Spending that much time in a little stall would be pretty intimidating and anxiety inducing- but I wonder if I would have been laughing crying at the absurdity…and Bryan would NOT have received my text, so I might still be stuck in there!  We all told her we were sorry that happened to her and let her quietly recover a bit as we moved onto the next town.

We drove through a lot more farmland- mostly bananas and sugar cane- and we’d gotten some rum made locally as a part of our stocking up for the next week. Actually, now that I think about it, we got a lot of booze for a week- I was thinking we had longer! But whatever, it’s cool to try different things and it’s not very expensive here at all either. One of the things I got was a boxed mojito which had the alcohol in it- like a boxed wine, ready to go. I couldn’t wait to give it a try.

Finally we were approaching the border. There were tractor trailer trucks lined up on the side of the road and the line went on for MILES. Mat said it could take 2 weeks for the truckers to get through with their hauls, which seems completely and ridiculously insane. I guess the guys sleep in their trucks- they must stink like you wouldn’t believe after that because they are not the fancy king cabs many truckers have in the US- it’s just the seat and steering wheel. I guess there’s a sad but not surprising prostitution business surrounding that too. In all it’s really inhumane and a shitty situation- never mind the goods might spoil by the time they get through!? It’s just unreasonable on all levels- but naturally people do it because they have to.

Here you cannot take pics of government officials, police, or bridges, so unfortunately there’s a lot of things I couldn’t capture such as a flatbed truck piled up with sacks of charcoal- each about the size of me- with a goat riding around on top! But don’t worry, they had it tid to a tire (just thrown up there)…Many of the matatus have crazy loads, like 10 mattresses or they even have trailers piled high with (I guess) the rider’s contents, which seems more like a move than a commute. 

We had to get out of the truck to be stamped out of South Africa, which went pretty quickly and smoothly- maybe took 20 minutes for us…but we also got into a “special” line- as the normal resident line was really long…hours- and thankfully we didn’t accidentally go there! This is where having guides like Hondo and Martin come extra in handy because they can help sort things out, talk in native languages and haggle or communicate as equals. It makes a difference for sure because they can do things even Mat can’t with all his experience.

Often at the border you get off and back on the truck, drive through no man’s land and then get out again to get stamped into Mozambique. The line was pretty short it seemed, but we’d barely made it in the door when I see commotion behind us with Jon, Lindsay and Gordon, then a few seconds later hear Mat yelling “Thief” and holding onto a guy’s arm.

It turns out that Gordon was pickpocketed as he was busy tending to Carlene and pushing her wheelchair. I don’t think he had his wallet out in the open, I think the guy was just good and lucky for a second, but Lindsay saw what was happening and yelled out that his wallet was being taken. This prompted Jon to grab the guy’s arm who was quickly shoving through them but he didn’t have a good grip- however, the guy dropped the wallet onto the counter as he slipped out of Jon’s grip. Then Mat went after him and was holding him- until I guess, someone of an authority figure came over to talk to them…but it’s not like the guy got arrested or anything- and later we saw his “friend” (who was also present but got away) walking around the parking lot…

The look on Hondo’s face with all this happening was sheer terror- not so much for the pickpocketing but for the guy being grabbed. It’s never going to turn out well for a white guy grabbing a black guy because the local black person will always win, no matter what happened. So he said never ever go after someone- which most of us wouldn’t anyway, but there was enough of us to make a difference and Mat was not about to let his elderly clients get robbed. Mat was pretty shaken up after that and then there was confusion with a long form we had to fill out that none of us could easily interpret- and neither had we thought to bring pens. It is sometimes the case that we’ve filled out forms before, but it was far too long ago for us to remember that fact- but thankfully 2 people had pens we shared among all 18 of us so the process took a while. Marina stayed with Gordon and Carlene because Gordon can’t write and Carlene can’t read…so they needed help.

It is really fortunate we have Jacquie with us as the native language of Mozambique is Portuguese- and she’s from Brazil. This was especially important considering the immigration lady didn’t know English either- which is really pretty odd/ unusual to not understand any. So Jacquie was able to communicate what we were doing and what we needed- but they wanted to do our whole group together which meant also taking our passports from us.

This is always pretty scary, as it happened to us in Madagascar too where the passports (everyone’s) ended up in a big pile on a desk. At that time, we were able to see them and keep a close eye on them, but this time we couldn’t. We figured however that Mat and Jacquie would complete the process and bring them back to us- so most of us left and got on the truck. But a few of the older people wouldn’t leave their passports and stayed for the entire process. I don’t blame them, it’s definitely weird- and if Mat, Jacquie, Hondo and Martin weren’t there to take care of things, I wouldn’t have left either.

It took about another 30-45 minutes until everyone came back with our passports and we were allowed to proceed through. There were a bunch of goats just wandering around in no man’s land, which made me wonder even more whose goats they are- is it a South African person or a Mozambique one? We see all sorts of animals wandering- cows, goats, chickens and even some burros- but I don’t understand how this is managed by the community and how the people know whose goats they really are. But stealing in Africa is a big no- and people will take vigilante justice on those who do- and it doesn’t end well.

Apparently at one point Mat saw a guy who had beaten for stealing and they killed him and just left the body there (so he came upon the scene after). It’s really all about survival here- and you have to have a lot of trust that people will care more about the well-being of the community as a whole, than themselves, but it seems to work. The tribal cultures pretty much work this way and even if they are not living traditionally in huts anymore, that same kind of mentality and society persists…and apparently this is why it was feared that communism would spread in Africa via Russia and Cuba. 

So the solution of course is to back vicious, tyrannical dictators- meaning the US actually helped keep these people in power intentionally: Amin, Mugabe…all the worst ones. In Mozambique there was a civil war between two factions- one backed by the US- and 6 million people were starved here because each side wouldn’t let the other side continue trade and transportation of goods. This was made even better by the fact that the inhabitants turned to the wild animals for food- and this is why elephants, zebras, lions etc are no longer here.

Even though we got our passports back, a government officer still wanted to come aboard and look at each person’s passport. The guy was young, friendly and pretty quick, but this was the first example of the heavy police presence here, which you will hear more about. Actually as I write this, we’re being stopped at a roadblock.Usually they just talk to Hondo, but they could come aboard at any time also. I have also seen Martin and Hondo hand over food and money at these stops…

But finally we could put the border crossing behind us- and Mat said that of all he’s done that was a 6.5 (meaning 10 was the worst). I might have to ask about the worst…

Instantly in pulling away from the border you can tell we’re in another country- and this is the Africa we recall. People sitting by the road selling goods here even seem to make little huts that they spend (at least) the day in- while they try to sell their goods. I saw a guy sleeping on a large tire- which seems to double as a mattress for a few of them. It looks pretty miserable and not very profitable.

The villages and towns were similar to what we’ve seen before- lots of hand built stands for fruit, nuts and other foods. But people also just lay out blankets and put stuff on them, whether pottery, or jerry cans or even shoes. There seem to be a lot of random shoe vendors. I don’t know where they get the shoes- they appear to be new, but I can’t be sure…but even with these many options, you still see plenty of people walking barefoot. Whether in the village or out, there’s a lot of people who do not use shoes on a daily basis- which seems so crazy. They have cell phones but no shoes.

There are a few inventions/ advancements which have really made a difference in improving the lives of Africans- the plastic jerry can, bicycles, phones and M-Pesa which is basically venmo (maybe before venmo existed). With M-Pesa you don’t have to have a bank account (which most people don’t) and it just transfers money from one phone to another. This way people can pay each other, without having to have money or worry about storing it in a bank. The others are probably pretty obvious.

We spend the next few hours going in and out of these towns and villages- until many hours had passed. It even got dark. I forgot how busy the people are still after the sun’s gone down- they still vend at their little stands and you can see them using their cell phones for light as they haggle and talk. There’s even little kids walking around, like 8 years old, by themselves- such as the two we encountered as we pulled over to get directions- and take our first really authentic bathroom experience.

It was down a dirt path to a concrete hut (right next to a termite mound that was the same size), with no roof. I am so afraid of dropping my phone into a toilet so I never bring it with me, but it was just light enough I could see there was just a toilet with no seat and a couple buckets. This means of course no one could flush, but I guess maybe that’s what the buckets are for and eventually someone will pour water down to empty it. This is actually how many of the bathrooms have been as most of the flushing mechanisms are broken. A lot of people had to go- even Kristin, who I wasn’t sure was going to be able to handle this kind of experience. But I did warn her and also told her you just have to go- you can only hold it so long…and without a fuss she was back and said “I did it”!

Unfortunately they’d gotten Carlene off the truck but this was definitely NOT a stop for her. Hondo said there was about an hour and a half left, and she said she’d wait. I think in her situation I’d wear adult diapers because I can’t imagine being so immobile and not having an option to go. Unfortunately just a short way down the road we passed a really nice gas station- and Hondo really should have stopped- but we really didn’t think we were that far from our final destination. Alma’s phone said 40 minutes but Hondo had mentioned 10km…so we weren’t quite sure.

The day had already been extremely long. Marina and I thought the second longest we’d been on when I thought the first until she reminded me of getting from Kenya to Uganda which was quite a haul..but by the end of the night, this one took the cake and then some.

This was also about the time I was starting to get the “I just want to put my head down and can’t hold it up anymore” feeling and couldn’t get comfortable. Of course, this was the day (I have no idea why) I decided not to bring my squishy pouch blanket and had left it on my big pack under the truck. I usually use it as a back bolster if I don’t need it as a pillow and I just attach it to my small bag with a carabiner, but then it gets dragged on the ground and kind of gross so I decided to pack it up, which was a decision I really regretted.

Eventually we turned onto a dirt road and we think it’s about 6 miles down this road- which is pretty narrow and the trees hang down quite a bit. There was A LOT of going very slow as large branches squealed over the top of the truck and along the sides- and some of them were pretty darn big. After a few minutes however, the truck stopped and slowly turned around- and Hondo got out and asked for Alma’s phone which seemed to be more accurate.

So back down that road, onto the main road and a few more miles turn off onto another dirt road like the last- complete with the difficult passing under the trees. Lots of scraping and creaking and banging…eventually though, we came to a dead end- at least for us- as there was a tree we simply could not fit under. Thankfully some people came out of their houses- one of them in his pj’s. Though this was the right road it turns out, we’d never make it up a hill that was coming up ahead (we were warned) and we’d have to take the long way around and come in from the other side (at least that’s what I gathered).

We were so tired and desperate at that point to hit the hay, Mat paid the pj’s guy to lead us to the hotel himself- even though he was about to go to bed. But he probably made more doing that than he’d make in a whole month of whatever else he does- so worth it for him at least.

It was a feat but Hondo did a 5 million point turn and got the truck turned around and we were off- again. Finally, we’d be done.

At this point it was going on 16+ hours of driving which is way longer than planned or intended. Usually 10 or so hours would be the longest, maybe 12, but a very definitive, tried and true 12 hours. But this was going to a new place- and even though Mat had scoped out the trip, he had not specifically been to this place before- and it sounded like he’d upgraded us to this vs one he’d planned on / seen prior.

We again turned down the ever familiar, narrow dirt road where our guide left us- and again we inched along. We were so close and we were all anticipating the ability to lay down and be done with the unusually long and unexpected adventure we’d all had- especially Lindsay.

As we were moving slowly along there were A LOT of branches hitting the truck and some people had their windows open and pieces of the trees were flying in at us so they had to close them, even though it got pretty hot and steamy as a result. At this point we were all pretty delirious and laughing both because of the absurdity of the day and exhaustion. Mat had told us a story earlier about how he was afraid of car washes when he was little and one day after getting really mad at his mom he said, “I’m so mad at you, you…car wash!” as that was the biggest insult he could manage. So Bryan made a joke and said, “So Mat, are all your car wash nightmares coming back to you now”? We all laughed pretty hard at that and we continued to joke a bit about the day.

We continue to hear the painful scraping and screeching of the branches until we hear thump thump thump thump thump as a huge branch hits each of the windows as the truck passes by- and then, SMASH. A giant branch took out the back window where Mat was sitting. It just shattered (safety glass of course) and slowly got pulled out of place as we continued along, much like a sinking ship, Jon said as he watched it peel away from the truck and fall down.

At this point Mat was laughing so hard he was crying and everyone felt really bad for him- but we were all still laughing and no one was mad or thinks it’s his fault. But that was definitely the straw that broke the camel’s back for him and he said, “I am so so sorry you guys, this is never what I’d intended”…and some more platitudes, including buying us all dinner and drinks, which “would be ready” when we arrived. He’d already arranged the dinner hours before, because he felt bad the trip was taking so long, but the drinks were a new addition. Finally he ended with, “And this was supposed to be the upgraded trip”, which of course sent everyone into hearty peals of laughter.

We still had a ways to go, so we shut all the windows and pulled the curtains shut as the tree branches reached in like a monster trying to get us as we went. We noticed too we’d picked up a hitchhiker- a (we’d find out from Mat later) flower mantis. A praying mantis about 2 inches long who seemed very confused. He/ she was wagging their head and dancing back and forth while we all did a little photo shoot with it. You can even see its face and tiny little red eyes. 

It was nearly midnight when we arrived at the resort. We were still all jovial, but a little quieter and more tired. Jillian had said something earlier about staying up till midnight to celebrate my birthday but she was joking- except this time she pointed out it was true and we’d still be up and could celebrate.

We brought our stuff to the patio and sat down at a long set of tables pushed together. Mat said drinks were on him and everyone avidly proceeded to the bar to partake. I was pretty surprised that the older people weren’t ready for bed- but I guess part of it too was that we weren’t given rooms yet- but they stayed up the whole time everyone else did (whereas before some of the late nights they’d gone to bed without dinner).

And naturally, dinner was not at all ready- actually it seemed they hadn’t even started cutting vegetables yet by the amount of time it took. We were all pretty hungry and a little hangry, but the drinks made us a little more pliable. On the tv (being used as a radio), they put on a “We are the world” video, which they kept playing on repeat. There was a lot of Celine Dion, Justin Bieber and pretty much whatever popular music people in Africa think people from the US love- and nice gesture. 

Amber broke out the rum she’d bought also (but she got the dark, which turned out to be much better than ours)- and nearly everyone did shots for my bday. We joked and laughed and waited and waited for dinner…and waited some more…but it finally arrived.

The vegetarians got pizza, fries and salad- perfect for my “junk food veg” taste. The others got fish, prawns, LOBSTER!? And chicken, rice and salad. It was quite the feast and we were all pretty happy about it. But before things could wind down, the power went out and we all just laughed and said well, this is Africa…but then Mat started singing happy birthday as he proceeded to bring me a cake. There were no candles but I pretended to blow them out nonetheless and quickly divide the cake up for everyone.

It was really good, especially for being bought from a grocery store- white cake with creamy frosting and some caramel and coconut. Honestly I loved it and I was really glad and appreciative of the gesture. I thanked Martin and Hondo, which is Tatenda in Shone- and happy birthday is Makora Koto.

Mat again addressed the group apologizing and offered us a free experience of whatever was offered on the trip (which we will not take him up on). It is an extremely nice gesture but none of this is his fault and you know when you come to Africa, things happen and it’s all an adventure. Kristin and Jon were laughing and great sports, which I’m glad. You never know, but when you’ve convinced your friends to take the plunge and come with you- because at least some of the trip is “expected” because we’ve done it…but this has been a really different adventure.

The other Africa trips Mat has done hundreds of times but as this was a new one for him, there were a few unknown factors, despite scoping it out prior. After this day though, I’m not sure he will keep this trip in his list or products. I hope he doesn’t cancel it, and just makes adjustments because Mozambique is 187 of poorest countries- of 192 total. So they need tourism and economic boost that visitors bring. And while this was an adventure of sorts, future trips will be far less unexpected for the most part! But really, as crazy as the day was, it was not bad- and was definitely memorable.

It was finally time to go to bed and we each got divided into “house” groups- where there were a few rooms, bathrooms, a living room and kitchen. To get there though was a bit of a feat. We basically started heading straight uphill and up stairs (stone and sand, in the dark) and my thighs were burning. Marta tripped a little though didn’t hurt herself and someone said “Oh too much to drink?, and she responded, “Yes I think so actually”!

Naturally ours was higher still than Marina and Jillian’s so I was huffing and puffing wearing both my backpacks, but it was pretty cool when we arrived. It was modest and nice, and pretty dated (70’s/ 80’s) but it had 3 double bedrooms (one had its own bathroom which was deemed ours for my birthday) and one had 2 double beds. Everyone picked their rooms and we pretty much shut the doors and fell asleep fast.

I had to get up once in the night but I was able to get back to sleep quickly which was good- and we were given an hour grace period in the morning to sleep in and relax. Mat had also arranged for breakfast on him, which was again very nice…and we looked forward to really exploring Mozambique vs just trying to get there!